MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
I’m taking advantage of the calm of boxing day morning (I am writing this on my couch with a cup of coffee, looking over at our Christmas tree. It is 8 AM and I am the only one awake) to finally finish this article about the holiday season.
Here’s a fact about me: I am one of those people who get overly excited about Christmas right after Halloween. I may not be a huge fan of the cold, but I am a huge fan of Christmas. I love the lights, Christmas markets are my heaven, and most importantly I adore going back home to spend this time of year with my family.
Here’s another fact about me: Winter is my least favourite season and the holidays are something that I dread all year round. I struggle a lot with the changing of seasons and this time of year as I have realised, is when my mental health is at its worst, I’ve often relapsed during the months of November and December.
I called this article contradicting thoughts about the holiday season for a reason, when it comes to the month of December, I’m a paradox. The truth is that I am not sure how I feel about the holidays; one one side I love them more than anything, but on the other I hate them more than anything.
The holidays are beautiful and walking around wearing an ugly Christmas jumper is so fun. In Edinburgh the Christmas cheer is already felt all through November and there’s nothing quite like sipping on a hot gin toddy with a good friend at the market. But the end of November and the beginning of December is also a time of constant stress. Between managing my time to write essays, buying Christmas gifts, organising trips, staying active, and trying to stay financially responsible through all of that is extremely stressful (and oh so exhausting). I’m already quite stressed all year round, but man am I stressed during the holidays. Trying to deal with that stress on my own + the depression that comes with the changing of the season often equals to nightmares, a loss of appetite, and pushing my friends away.
Christmas is also about spending time with your family. Which is probably my favourite thing about the holidays: going home. I love coming home and seeing my family again, but going home can be quite nostalgic. Even though this year I’ve actually had the loveliest Christmas in a while it will never be the same as when I was a child. Every year it somehow gets harder. This place is filled with so many memories, both good and bad, and in my opinion one of the most painful things about growing up is when the bad memories start to overpower the good ones of your childhood, which is something that has slowly been happening to me these past few years.
This holiday season has probably been the strangest one yet. I’ve had the worst of times leading up to it but ended up having the best Christmas. I have received the loveliest presents and with the birth of my first nephew three weeks ago (yay! I’m an aunt!) this Christmas has been really refreshing. I am also leaving for Berlin in a couple of days for New Years and I hope my mood will stay up for that trip. 2016 has been rough, but I will do everything I can to finish it well and most importantly to have an amazing start of 2017.
To everyone who also struggles during this time of year, wether it’d be with your mental health or your family; it’s okay, you’re okay. I know this time of year is difficult, but you will make it through.
Much love everyone and take care of yourselves ♥